Catch-19

I turned 40 this year.

Wasn’t really a momentous occasion. I don’t feel any older than I did a year or 2 or 5 ago. No big changes. So not really much to mark the passing. That’s probably not a bad thing.

But then I read this post (My Life Is Good) by John Scalzi. He say, in part and very roughly, that at at 40 you are probably who you are going to b for the rest of your life. Things aren’t likely to change in very major ways, is the gist of it. And I think he’s right. I think most of us are all set.

Yeah… but I don’t wanna. I haven’t done what I want to do. I’m not who I want to be. I’m not terribly far from it, but there are major pieces missing. The big one is teaching. I’ve been talking about it for 10 years, making sporadic and desultory moves towards it, but I’ve never committed. I’m good at talking about doing things and researching those things. That’s not a talent to cultivate.

Then today at the test for my yellow belt in Taekwondo my instructor was basically saying “It’s NOT too late. You can choose new paths and ways of living. It’s not easy, but the hard things are what makes life worth it.” He’s also right.

The truth is that most people are set by 40 or so. And it’s a good thing by and large. Knowing the direction of your life is comforting and gives you room to make it a good one. But the opportunity for major shifts always exists. You CAN choose differently.

So I have to do that. I’m 40. I’ve got time left.

What I need to do now is enroll in school to get my masters in education so I can become a full time teacher. I’m going to do that.

Hi, my name is Tim.

Hi Tim!

And I’m a City of Heroes addict.

Memorial day weekend the MMO City of Heroes offered free play for a weekend to subscribers who had quit. I took them up on that offer. I shouldn’t have.

A year and a half ago I quit playing CoH. I didn’t quit because it was ruining my life, though it was certainly a shitty influence. I quit because it got boring. You see, I’m not really an addictive personality. It’s fairly easy for me to quit vices that are destructive. In the Army I drank every night, and got drunk most night. Weekends were a blur on a regular basis. But the day I left my drinking dropped to about one drink a week, right where it is today. I quit smoking on the first try and I’ve never had another cigarette since. Quitting CoH was the same. I just stopped.

Then they offered me this free weekend with promises of all this new content and I took them up on it and got hooked. So for almost two weeks I’ve been playing that damn game every day for hours and hours. Not sleeping and not working out and not cooking etc.

So I just quit again.

The truth is it’s not a big deal, but at least it explains some of why I’ve not been posting and not been tweeting. So I’ll be around a lot more.